Coffee is brewing hot and strong. Not behind are these funny yet very impactful 45 Funny Coffee Jokes that are sure to bring a smile on your family. So enjoy your drink the strong way and let the jokes filter through.
1. How Are Coffee Beans Like Kids?
They’re always getting grounded!
2. Why Did The Kangaroo Stop Drinking Coffee?
It made him too jumpy.
3. Why Is A Bad Cup Of Coffee The End Of A Marriage?
Because it’s GROUNDS for divorce!
4. People Ask Me If I Wake Up Grumpy In The Morning
No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
5. What Is Best Beatles Song?
Latte Be!
6. What Do You Call A Sad Cup Of Coffee?
Depresso.
7. How Is Coffee Better Than A Woman?
It goes down way easier.
8. Did You Know It’s A Sin For A Woman To Make Coffee?
Yup, it’s in the Bible. It says . . “He-brews”
9. How Do You Know If You’ve Had Enough Coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
10. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
11. Where Does Birds Go For Coffee?
On a NESTcafe
12. What Do Chocolate, Men, And Coffee Have In Common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
13. Why Don’t Snakes Drink Coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
14. Why Do I Not Like Hot Drinks?
It’s just not my cup of tea.
15. Why Are All Jewish Men Required To Make A Good Cup Of Coffee?
Because according to the Torah, He Brews!
16. What Do You Call Sad Coffee?
Despresso.
17. How Do You Make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
18. Why Are Men Are Like Coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
19. How Does A Tech Guy Drink Coffee?
He installs Java!
20. How Are Guys Just Like Coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
21. How Does Moses Make His Coffee?
Hebrews it.
22. Why Is Starbucks Removing The Trans-fat From Their Menu?
Because they want that Frappacino to pad your ass without clogging your arteries!
23. I Just Read That Every Year We Spend More On Coffee Than We Do On Educating Our Children.
How do we sleep at night?
24. How Do You Make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
25. How Does One Bad Cup Of Coffee End A Marriage?
One person think its grounds for divorce.
26. How Does Henry Viii Like His Coffee?
Decap.
27. How Does The Serial Killer Like His Coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
28. Coffee Is The Silent Victim In Our House…
It gets mugged every day.
29. Why Are Men Are Like Coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night.
30. What’s Black And Never Works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard.
31. Why Did The Espresso Keep Checking His Watch?
Because he was pressed for time.
32. Why Should You Be Wary Of 5-Cent Espresso?
It’s a cheap shot.
33. Did You Hear About The Guy Who Put Little G.I. Joe Soldiers At The Bottom Of His Coffee Cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
34. I Just Got Myself A Top Of The Range Coffee Maker.
It has a lot of perks.
35. Why Coffee Is Better Than A Woman?
Coffee goes down easier!
36. What’s The Opposite Of Coffee?
Sneezy.
37. How Are Coffee Beans Like Kids?
They’re always getting grounded!
38. Why Do White Women Prefer Black Coffee?
Because they can take black coffee home to their parents!
39. I Don’t Have A Problem With Caffeine.
I have a problem without caffeine.
40. What’s Fat, Hairy And Drinks A Lot Of Coffee?
Java the Hut!
41. How Does A Coffee Lover Hit On A Woman?
I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
42. What’s The Best Beatles Song?
Latte Be!
43. What Do You Call A Cow Who’s Just Given Birth?
De-calf-inated!
44. How Is It A Sin For A Woman To Make Coffee?
The Bible clearly says “He-brews”
45. What’s The Difference Between Coffee And Your Opinion?
I asked for coffee.
Source: THOUGHT CATALOG, RD.COM, Jokes4Us.Com, Laff Gaff